Love addiction is the persistent obsession a person, fantasy, or relationship and mistaking it for love.

Love addicts usually have unmet emotional needs that they seek to fulfill with either romantic fantasy or relationships. The compulsive behaviors are usually fueled by fear of being abandoned and consistently adapt, change, and eliminate healthy boundaries to be available to an emotionally unavailable partner.

Root causes include desiring to “win” the other person because by gaining their love and commitment, it equates to the love addict being worthy. The hope is that once this is done, the addict will be able to fully love him or herself (i.e. “This is the missing piece,” “I’ll be happy when the relationship looks like this..”) The love addict either initially or eventually puts pressure on their partner to love them by caretaking, constant reaffirmation, and mindreading. Expectations shift from those of a healthy relationship with interdependent love to reflect wanting the partner to parent them in a way. This could be emotionally, physically, and even financially.

Love addicts in relationship typically feel like they are hanging on by a thread, and the obsession naturally brings very little sense of consistency or stability to one’s life. Their lives begin to revolve around this person, fantasy, or relationship or find themselves unable to be without a relationship. When in conflict, their thoughts may overwhelming turn to how to “fix” the conflict, their partners, or themselves. This gets in the way of daily functioning and lead to depression, addictions, anxiety, and even suicidal ideations.

The desperation felt by a love addict is not due to the connection to the partner. The source for this attachment is based on unresolved emotional wounds or traumatic experiences from childhood. The partner or relationship is seen as the “savior” to help the addict resolve past hurts.