Why It's Hard to Let Go of A Relationship: Tips to Break Free

How many times have you noticed the red flags but still decided to be in a relationship because you can't let go of that person? A couple of times? Maybe even more? Don't worry—I've been there, too. Getting to the root cause of what is keeping you stuck in an unhealthy relationship will hopefully help you move forward. Here are three reasons why it’s hard to let go of a relationship:

1. You are afraid you will not get something better if you let go of the relationship/person.

This reason can mainly be applied in romantic relationships with partners who have been hurtful, dismissive, or even abusive. You may already think about leaving this person and trying to find someone else, but you still won't because even though this person is already unhealthy for you, at least you know what to expect. 

You may also be thinking about how close you are to the "finish line" with this person, and if you leave, you could ruin your "happy ending." When you ignore the red flags and ignore the pain you've been through for months or years, you start to accept less than what you deserve and the more used you are to that kind of relationship dynamic.

It's similar to the phrase about how you become the company you keep and that it brings you down because you get comfortable.

2. It becomes too comfortable to leave

You get stuck in your ruts and in what feels normal to you. For example, it is a big deal when your friends or partners are always late, but the more you accept that behavior, the more you're not even aware of the egregious things that happen. 

Some of you might be able to relate when a family or friend told you about something that happened in their relationship, and you're shocked and appalled. The other person just shrugged it off like nothing happened and will even tell you that things used to be so much worse. So that can also happen to you when you get too comfortable in the unhealthy dynamics of your relationship.

You need to be aware that sometimes you stay because you've gotten used to being taken for granted, abused, and neglected. Now, you're just numb to it until someone else points it out to you or until you get into so much pain that you are finally aware of it. Even when you try to numb the pain through doing busy work, eating food, shopping, having a certain amount of money, or even through gambling and alcohol, the pain won't go away because you're not getting what you want from your partner.

Even when you choose to leave, you become so accustomed to a certain level of treatment that even though you're no longer in that relationship, you're subconsciously or even consciously expecting that same level from another relationship. Sure, you may want more, but because you had gotten to a place that was hard for you to push back, it's easier just for you to take care of it yourself or just ignore it.

3. You feel guilty about leaving the person.

Some of you may be in a relationship where you're seen as the "savior," or you may have appointed yourselves as the "savior." Now that you're thinking about leaving the person, you're scared that they may feel abandoned or neglected because they still need you. 

For example, you became financially supportive of your partner, and you're considering leaving until you settle that last debt payment or medical bill. But because they're codependent on you and you have this unhealthy connection, there will never be a day or a time that they are entirely self-sufficient. Why do they need to be? They have you. 

You get stuck in a cycle where your life is on pause, and you can never move forward because you are stuck trying to resolve a problem that will never be resolved as long as you're in a relationship with the person. It was never your responsibility to fix their issue in the first place.

So those are three reasons why it is hard to let go. Here are three action steps you can take to break free from an unhealthy relationship.

Steps to Break Free from An Unhealthy Relationship

1. Get some outside support and help

Even when you decide to let go of the relationship, you're still emotionally tied to that person most of the time. It would help if you had someone neutral to help snap you out of the attachment you have created with the person.

2. Get grounded with the facts

Ask yourself (or with the help of your support system): What are the facts of the situation? What is actually happening versus what you want to happen? Once you've answered that, let that be your new truth.

3. Get the inner healing you deserve

Assess what the thing that attracted you to this person in the first place is? Or what made you stay in the relationship even when you've been taken for granted, dismissed, abused, cheated on, or whatever it might be? 

Then, think about why you're willing to compromise just to be connected to that person. Finally, ask yourself again if you're willing to take less than what you deserve.. 

To avoid repeating the cycle after you decide to leave, you have to raise your self-esteem and standards and unlearn everything you learned in that past relationship. It takes time and outside support, so I highly encourage you to get therapy, join the Recovery School, or connect with another coach or me. 

If this blog post resonated with you and have any further questions, please reach out on Instagram and check the available resources available on the website.